Alright, it’s time for a little tough love. If no one else is going to say it, leave it to Grandma Esther. Your cooking? It’s not as great as you think it is. There, I said it. Just because you can throw together some random ingredients doesn’t mean you’re the next Julia Child. If I had a dollar for every time someone told me they “just eyeball it” in the kitchen, I’d have enough money to hire a real chef to fix the mess you call dinner.
Let’s start with the basics: recipes exist for a reason. They’re not just suggestions, folks. A recipe is a map, guiding you step-by-step to a destination called “edible food.” But no, you decide to take detours. “Oh, I’ll just substitute this,” or “I don’t need to measure that.” Yes, you do. If you can’t follow a simple recipe, you shouldn’t be surprised when your lasagna turns into a mushy disaster. You think you’re being creative, but really, you’re just winging it into a culinary catastrophe.
You know what really grinds my gears? When people tell me they don’t have time to follow a recipe. “I’m too busy,” they say, while scrolling through their phone for the latest viral food hack. Listen, if you’ve got time to watch someone make a seven-layer cake out of Oreos and marshmallows, you’ve got time to read through a simple recipe. Recipes don’t take away your creativity, they just make sure you’re not serving up something that belongs in the trash.
And don’t even get me started on seasoning. I’ve tasted enough bland food in my life to know when someone didn’t bother to season properly. Salt and pepper are your friends, people. I’m not asking you to be a Michelin-star chef, but for the love of all things edible, at least taste your food before serving it. I’ve been to too many potlucks where I’ve had to secretly load up my plate with salt just to survive the meal. If your food doesn’t have flavor, don’t expect me to sit there and pretend like it’s the best thing I’ve ever eaten.
Now, let’s talk about technique. You might think your sautéing skills are on point, but that rubbery chicken says otherwise. You can’t just toss a piece of meat in a pan, crank the heat, and hope for the best. There’s something called temperature control. Too high, and you’ve got a charred mess. Too low, and your food will be swimming in its own juices. There’s a middle ground here, and it’s called “cooking like you care.”
And here’s another thing: Stop with the shortcuts. I know there’s a time and place for convenience, but cutting corners in the kitchen usually means cutting flavor, too. Instant mashed potatoes? No thanks. Canned vegetables? Don’t even think about it. If you want a meal to actually taste good, put in a little effort. Fresh ingredients, real spices, and—wait for it—actual time spent in the kitchen. Shocking, I know.
So here’s the bottom line: Your cooking isn’t as great as you think it is, but it could be. All you need to do is follow a recipe, season like you mean it, and stop taking shortcuts. It’s not rocket science—it’s dinner. And if you mess that up, don’t worry. There’s always takeout.
